Done

It is finally done.

The thesis arrived at my lecturers place and now it is time to wait…
Wait to receive my final mark (and subsequently my degree).
The last mark I will receive for this studies that I spent the last 4 1/2 years on completing. (Which was supposed to take a year less.)
It’s a strange feeling and I can’t quite grasp it yet.

I took my last vacation days from last year to get some bit of relaxation before starting to work again and everyone keeps saying I deserve the break.
Somehow I am not so sure about that.
It feels like I could have done so much more with the thesis.
Added more information, made something practical, written stuff differently, covered different aspects, simply changed stuff.
But on the other hand I think that I managed to fit everything important quite well into the required pages.
Beside that, I am relieved that I finished it in the first place.
I am certain that if I had written it last year – as I was supposed to – it wouldn’t have turned out like this.

Back then I was anxious, nervous and petrified whenever I thought about the thesis.
I probably would have worked myself up that much that I wouldn’t have been able to finish the it. Let alone start it.
So I made a choice to take a break from everything studies-related and just work for a semester. A so-called vacation-semester.
It turned out to be a real good decision.
During the semester, I guess, I just lived. I worked, I wrote, I went to festivals and concerts, I travelled a little. It was a nice change to all the stress I had gone through beforehand.
After the semester I was way calmer and more prepared for what was ahead of me. I could look at a timetable and not freak out about it. I could make an outline and read sources to get a basis for my thesis. And that was more than what I managed to do back then.

I managed to get through a situation that could have been enormously stressful.
Not just the start, but also throughout the months I had to work on it.
I simply made sure I would take breaks between working on the thesis and get it done in a pace and a way that would not make me nervous again.
Guess I can be proud of that.
If only just a little bit.

Now the time has come to get to all the stuff I couldn’t do throughout the work on the thesis.
To continue or start with posts and stories that are waiting to be typed.
To plan my vacations for the upcoming festivals and concerts.
To read all those books that still stand unread in my shelves.
To simply enjoy that I don’t have anything else to do for studies any more. That is if my thesis passes and I manage to finally end it.
It’d be bad if that would happen…
It’d mean the whole writing-thing would start anew and well, my company wouldn’t be to pleased about it either. And of course I’d be devastated. All the work – and money, as the printing was relatively expensive and absolutely nerve wrecking – for nothing and another failure added to the list.
I try not to think about that though.
Just distracting myself with working on my several projects and working at my company.
Though not thinking is not really one of the things I do best…
Still, one can try…

On a completely different note is this is also my 50th post.
It only took me nearly two years to come this far.
Although I doubt I’ll manage to get to a hundred posts during this year, I’ll try to post more regularly, now that I have a little more time at hand.

I’ll just see what will happen now.
What I’ll think of and how things will turn out to be.
It’ll be interesting, I guess.

PoiSonPaiNter

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